Environment

November 29, 2011

Why do the human emotions change dramatically just because of the environment. Environment is not location only, environment can constitute various pressures, people and work related issues without ever moving from our seat. But, what I find so unbelievable, is  how much other people or daily stresses can cause us to change our outlook on life.

Is it possible to block this all out? Understand when we are being manipulated or when we’re not and to listen to someone saying something ridiculously false even though it sounds so right?

I realized then, without fail, that environment and people we surround ourselves with, play a major role in our worldly absorption. If we find ourselves out of place, out of focus or out of range with reality and things do not seem to make sense no matter how we turn it, then we might unknowingly be in an unhealthy environment.

The most difficult part is identifying this and easiest part is moving out of it.

Introspection

October 25, 2011

I read in a book of mythology:

Inner changes precipitate external events and external events foster inner changes. It is sometimes hard to say whether, for example, a love affair has caused a burst of creative activity and new insight, or whether new insights and a more creative way of looking at life have drawn us into a love affiar. It is difficult to tell, also, whether a business failure instils bitterness and suspicion of others, or whether an innate suspicion and mistrust precipitates a business failure through alienation of colleagues

Then I related this to a few words I know:

Introspection, as defined by Wikipedia, is: self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations.

I would’ve consider it, “intentions”

See, a friend of mine asked me, “what makes a villan a villan” and I answered, “the intention to do bad” …now I respect anyone who disagrees, but in the case of protagonists and antagonist, I believe that it is a matter of black and white, you either are bad or you are good. I do however think that a quality that is apparent in both “bad” and “good” people is a thing called, “selfishness”

The art of being altruistic is simply an art form, a way of life and it might embody us on regular or sparse occasions, but to be considered altruistic in full form means the idea of “selfishness” is impossible to act upon.

So back to introspection.

Sometimes it is hard to determine how our inner subconscious effects our daily life, so maybe take a moment, understand yourself on a deeper level, figure out why you say what you say, do what you do, act the way you act and perhaps, over the course of time, you may be more true to yourself because you have answered that annoying question that serves as a perfect analogy to our external actions: “what came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Karma

October 24, 2011

On my 2nd to last day of work, a customer/friend A.K.A. an arrogant asshole, as I like to jokingly call him, stayed behind after renting his movies. We usually have long conversations about everything from psychology to love to annoying bosses and this time the conversation led into my indecisiveness on purchasing a smart phone to take back to India. He asked me questions like: “How much does it cost” and “what model are you looking for” and with no intention from my side, I told him. Then I continued to tell him of my planned purchase of a phone later in the day. He told me not to buy that phone because he will get one for me. Now, forgive me for saying this, but I was damn ready to get a free phone. I am not the person to accept charity, but the amount of time I spent talking to him and acting like a counselor and the fact that I am flat ass broke, I simply said to him, “I’ll believe you when I see it” …and part of me did have my hopes up.

He called me the same day asking me to confirm the model and so on. But when he came in the next day, he said he did not buy it. He proceeded to tell me about his day and how he got a speeding ticket, coincidentally he had to pay the EXACT amount that my phone would have cost him.

I pointed and laughed my ass off for an hour straight and said several times more than necessary, “karma’s a bitch, you had to pay somehow;  you should have bought me my phone!”

Infatuation

October 19, 2011

Nine years ago, a boy and girl met under the circumstance called “love at first sight.” Today he saw her as a woman who was driving a car, a change from their childhood where he had to drive her home without a license.  She saw him in a tie, a big change from the fleece pullover he wore to school.

At a young age, they developed a healthy curiosity after being together, but somehow, their curious nature had taken over their “love” for each other and led them down different paths. Some call it destiny, some call it fate and others call it a butterfly effect: the lives of two individuals and all the people they met, changed.

Today, this boy and girl met after 9 years and that rush of emotion did not greet them. That love did not emerge into their conversation. They simply fell back into place as two individuals that were meant to be friends, but confused it for “love” once upon a time ago.

Wonderment

October 18, 2011

It was during the festive season a couple of years ago. I was sitting on a rock over looking the city below from Nahargargh Fort. The lights were little spectacles scattered across the dark sea and the only thing that was visible was a small radius of land illuminated by the street lights. Surprisingly so, it was silent. I could only hear my own thoughts ponder the many lives that were being lived at that very moment. I could only see the outside of a home that a family has built and is living within. It was a feeling of peace and simplicity because I knew that somewhere out there, 1 person, unknown to me, one time in his or her life, looked up at the spot I was sitting in, and thought: “I wonder if someone ever sat up there and pondered about what goes on in my life”

Clockwork

October 17, 2011

I want to be taken seriously. Figure out why I am angry. Don’t tell me to slow down! Your affection won’t make it go away. Your humor mocks me. I am irritated. Bring me out of this darkness. Show me the light. Don’t tell me that I’ll be OK. Don’t say that I’ll get used to it. Don’t set me aside for another day. You won’t understand what makes me tick when you already try to silence my chime. It rings dear, rings every hour on the hour, but a lot has gone on in that hour, hundreds of ticks and yet you only hear my chime. Take me seriously. I have something to say. I want to be heard. I want to be acknowledged, but you are indifferent. It has driven me insane.

Conviction

October 13, 2011

Finally, after weeks, him and his father came around with a hopeful smile on their face. They came for me. They knew where to find me, they knew where I was and what my schedule is, we’ve talked plenty times about the odd hours I work. They said they searched everywhere for me. “Why look everywhere when you know I am here?” I asked “Are you mad at her for what she’s doing?”

They looked at me with exasperated eyes, assuming that I should know the obvious. I knew the obvious, but I wanted to hear it from them. “So you’re mad that she’s bragging about abusing the system, huh?”

He clarified, “she never told us, we over heard her talking on the phone.”

In a calming matter of fact tone, I stated, “oh? I totally get it, if something is against your value system, you are making a point to yourself by boycotting the coffee shop, but if you never over heard her, you would never had made that stand.”

“Oh we would have eventually stopped coming by, we would have figured it out.” He said in a voice that doubted his own conviction.

I noticed that he was thinking about the possible scenarios where he would be in the same predicament if he had not overheard that telephone conversation.

With the intention of making a point, I said, “if you did not have knowledge of her future plans, you would still be a customer here.”

“Knowledge brings wisdom, we got wise not to come back.” he said, thinking that he won.

I begun my speech. “Wisdom? Perhaps you might want to rethink that, knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is what we do with knowledge. And the way I see it, you are going to a different coffee shop everyday looking for the same feeling you got here because you let that knowledge become a bias in your mind. Unfortunate for you, the only reason why you stopped coming here is because the owner’s personal life interfered with your value system. I respect that, it’s endearing, but what about the other people we  deal with everyday, people who do not tell us what ‘bad’ they do to the system. Our own ignorance to their personal lives causes a no objection policy to them? I see no wisdom in judging her.”

“I don’t agree.” he said, cold and plain

I smirked, looked down then back in his eyes, feeling the twinkle in my own, “one day you will.”

Missed

October 11, 2011

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth? When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Job 38:4,7

Where were you when I took my first step? Where were you when I lost my first friend? Where were you when I conquered my fears? Where were you when I experienced a moment of happiness? Where were you when I cried myself to sleep? Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I did not want to see you? Where are you now?

We miss the lives of our self when we miss the lives of others. So if we are missing the joys and sorrows, why are we not willing to take interest in the past of another? Past does not have to be forgotten, it should be shared because what life we have lived thus far has defined who we are today.

Missed.

I missed a lot, will you help me catch up on your life?

Untitled

October 7, 2011

Sentence

1.

2.

3.

4.

Clause

Heart

Soul

Brain

Gut

Reaction

Love

Identity

Logic

Intuition

Effect

Another

Self

Many

Possibilities

Verb

Give

Keep

Share

Follow

Subject

Person

Home

World

Dreams

1. Our heart loves and we should give to another person.
2. Our soul is our identity, we should keep it because we have only one self.
3. Our brain thinks logic, many findings we should share with the world.
4. Our gut is our intuition that distinguishes possibilities so that we may follow our dreams.

**Living comes when we distinguish these differences in our self and let each separate entity take its place and importance  so that they work together and set sail in our journey called life.

Dominance

October 6, 2011

Is dominance unhealthy when applied to ourselves as it is when applied to others ?

Scenario 1: His anger turned into a headache that caused the production of a hormone in his head that took over his breathing. His breath was caught in his throat within the suffocating room. “I need some air” he said as he was already moving toward the door.  He grabbed his coat and keys, got in the car and swept off the driveway moving in a direction that came as habit rather then conscious thought. His brain was on fire, he couldn’t put his thoughts together and this caused the car to move the next gear up, catching speed quickly. Within 5 minutes, he found himself at the stool, ordering a ‘scotch on the rocks’ ..unaware of how he got there. He sat there, a couple drinks in, unable to conquer the approaching blackout and just like that, the reason for why he was so suffocated no longer plagued his mind because he consciously did not want to know what it was that bothered him so much that he had to to leave.

Scenario 2: His anger turned into rage that caused the production of a hormone in his head that took over his hands. His fingers caught the first thing with weight and trottle and he threw it against the wall, missing her head by inches. He had to say something and she had to do the listening. But even after the storm passed, even after the broken pieces were swept away, he sat down unable to relieve the blackout of his temper, and just like that, the reason for why he was so angry no longer plagued his mind because he consciously did not know what it was that bothered him so much that he had to be heard.

Have time and patience to listen to that inner voice, ‘dominance’ over it does not make it go away.

 

 

 

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